In her book Love Warrior, Glennon Melton shares a story about her first experience with yoga. Her yoga practice was to stay on her mat. While others moved, asana to asana (pose to pose), Glennon stayed. When she shared the story, she shared about sitting on her mat. She did not flow one asana to the other. She sat in the space her teacher* created and held for her.
It’s easy-ish to come to the mat, fancy watch tracking calories, while moving asana to asana. Occasionally, checking out the new set you are wearing in the mirror, comparing your alignment with those in the class. “Next SunSal I’ll move a little deeper in my warrior and have the deepest in the class! Today I’m the yoga winner!” Friends, I’ve been there. I’ve been determined and held the deepest lunge in the class, so far in my head, detached from the moment, I didn’t know I had a heart. This is not yoga.
What is not so easy is to come to the mat and stay. Leaving behind the watch, glances in the mirror, fancy set and competition. Instead of the deeper lunge, find stability, gentleness and hold. Setting an intention and keeping your mind on the intention you've set. Honoring that which begins to surface internally, by recognizing it’s there. Staying on your mat when you want to flee. This is the gift of yoga and the gift Glennon’s teacher gave her. No fancy asana needed, instead sit, be and hold.
Very recently, I was shaken by the fragility of life. Like grabbed by the shoulders, looked in the eyes kind of shaken. And while there is deep gratitude for that which I’ve taken for granted; the startled, shaken one inside is finding it hard to sit on her own mat. So, so hard.
Since this shake, can and have I led others into their mat space? Absolutely. Can and have I created and held the space for others? Yes. But for myself? Hell, please, please put me in a new set tights and bra, strap on the fancy watch (I don’t have one…lol), roll out the mat in front of a mirror and move. Totally disconnected from my heart, yet completely connected with distraction.
I know myself well and have worked with many coaching clients & people in classes who have been in this space. When this happens it’s time to head to the mat.
The mat? Bex, exactly what do you mean by the mat? The mat is different for each person and by working together we determine and define their mat. Many times it is literally the mat where they practice asana. For some it’s outside in nature or a meditation cushion. We work together to move from a physical space to an internal space.
I’ve found, my mat to be my yoga mat or meditation cushion and often in nature. Earlier this week, my mat was the bath. Connection with my (your) internal mat allows the physical mat to circumstantially change.
Earlier this week I found myself unexpectedly home alone in the evening. Tempted by Netflix and Instagram, I began to prepare a bath with salts and soda to detox from the day. Uneasy, I poured the salts and soda into the water. I sensed it would not be easy to soak for long, even with the water the perfect temperature. As my towel dropped to the side of the tub and I stepped in, sliding under the water I realized I, like Glennon, was on my mat.
There was a scratching on the inside. The urge to jump out, seeking distraction.
I created and held a space for myself, for this inner child who was scared, unsure, wanting to run.
The grown woman, held the inner child and stayed.
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I continued to embrace, hold and stay. She, still detached, scratched, wanted to flee, so I, held her tighter. I sat with her longer. I listened and connected and waited, because I knew she, this inner child, would come to the mat with me and together we’d breathe.
This morning before the sun was awake, by candle light and on my meditation cushion, we met. This is yoga.
*As a teacher, it is my primary goal and “job” to create and hold space. There have been several occasions where I receive a text before class letting me know the person who was coming, needed to just be in the space. They come, they find a spot, maybe move a little, eventually finding the space they needed on their mat. When this began to happen in classes, I knew I was doing what I was called to do ~ create and hold space for others, yoga.