“Mum, can you please make me cookies? The good kind,” he asked yesterday. When he asks me to bake cookies, I know his heart is heavy.

My heart is heavy too, baby and it hurts for you. First, a canceled game, then the season. The season where you’ve been named a captain and placed in a leadership role. School goes digital and your senior prom postponed. The email came about the venue for your graduation no longer being available, so they are looking for alternatives. After reading that news, you said to me, “I hope my flight can hold out for 24 more hours.” It didn’t. Senior year spring break trip, canceled for now.

Elliott, since you were a toddler, warm chocolate chip cookies have been a symbol of comfort. When you’d hear of school or mass shootings, you’d ask for cookies. When you learned about social injustices and people taking to the streets to protest, you’d ask. When you’ve suffered a teenage heartbreak, I’d make sure they were baked. They’ve been called “Turf Burn Cookies” and passed out after soccer games or “State Champ Cookies” eaten on the bus to play in the big game. I’ve greeted you after the first day of school with a plate for 12 years and am sure to mail them when you head to college next year. It’s your thing, our thing, these cookies.

I am uncertain how to parent in these present days, but I am certain of this: When you ask, I will bake. I love you and we will find a new way, but these will stay the same. I promise.

Recipe-ish for Elliott’s Cookies.:

Cream together: 2 Sticks of Salted Butter, 1 C Brown Sugar (or coconut sugar), 1/3 C Sugar in the Raw (or white cane sugar). As it blends, add a large splash of Vanilla (the real stuff, not imitation…ick!), a few shakes of Cinnamon & a pinch or 2 of salt. Crack 2 room temperature eggs into a dish (this way if you end up with a shell, it’s not in the dough) and add to the dough, as it continues to mix.

To the wet mixture add little by little: 2 C Unbleached Flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder and 1/2 C of something else ex: more flour, flax/chia meal, oats, potato chips, cereal…just something else to make sure the dough is thick enough. After that’s mixed, add lotsa chocolate chips. Say a prayer for the hearts who will eat them, for comfort and understanding and the goodgood. This is the most important part, so please don’t forget.

Chill the dough for a couple of hours. Preheat oven to 375, spoon extra large hunks of dough onto the cookie sheet and bake for 8-12 minutes (baking time depends on the size of the dough hunks), removing before they are fully baked. Allow to cool a few minutes on the cookie sheet. If you remove them too soon, placing them on the cooling rack, they will fall through. This isn’t a horrible thing - it means they are extra gooey. Enjoy with your loved one, savoring the conversation and moment. xx,